Living In Between

February 1st, 2021.

The beginning of Black History Month.

A snow day in Boston.

The one-year mark of the first COVID-19 case in Massachusetts.

This month is the one-year mark since I wrote half of a book and then stopped writing for the rest of 2020.

I heard an On Being podcast episode recently where Krista Tippett talks to Katherine May about her book Wintering: The Power Rest and Retreat in difficult times. May talks about snowfall as a liminal space. An in between. A marginal area. And how snowfall is often a magical space — think of when the kids crossover into Narnia in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

The snow is blowing in different directions outside my windows. There’s a small part of me that is dreading the shoveling. But more than that, I am remembering their conversation. The liminal space. Living in between.

In May 2020, the second meeting I had with my Spiritual Director — a goal that I was able to make happen in 2020 — they said to me: “Sarah, it sounds like you are in a liminal space. In between. In transition.”

The liminal space is the space in between. The ending or the beginning of something. It’s the transition. It’s the crossover space. A space of ambiguity. A space of feeling like you are already, yet not yet there.

Like many of you, I had plans for 2020. Pre-COVID. Write my second book. I tried to make plans through COVID in 2020. One of them was to finish the book that I started just a few weeks before Massachusetts was locked down on March 24, 2020.

But I could not write. I could not put thoughts together on a page. I attempted several times. And every time I was stuck in a winter that felt like it would never end. It’s 2021 and the snow reminds me that I still feel like I am living in between.

Yet, maybe that’s the point. Maybe COVID has highlighted that we never really leave the in between — the liminal space of unknown ambiguity. Maybe we can live in between.

Change is the only constant. New variables that are out of our control are introduced multiple times a day. We do not have the luxury to resist the transition. The endings and the beginnings. They happen whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. Ironically, my first book was all about finding your voice in these between spaces. The liminal space is a reality we cannot run from.

The unknown and the feeling of ambiguity is something that scares most of us. Lack of control, lack of security, lack of predictability is hard.

I hate it.

It brings out the worst in me. It brings out the control freak. It brings out my insecurities. It forces me to reckon with myself.

And maybe that’s the point.

Maybe that’s why we need to awaken to liminal spaces.

Not wishing for “going back to normal”.

A past that no longer exists.

And even if I try to make it exist in the present or in the future, it’s just an illusion.

Sometimes it feels safer to live in the illusion than in the reality.

We cling to the memories of the past with the faulty camera in our minds.

And we live every day like it’s Groundhog Day — an everlasting repeat of a past that no longer exists.

If we embrace the unknown ambiguity of the liminal space, then it invites us to be present.

To rest.

To reflect.

To reset.

And ultimately to release.

Life and time do not move linearly. We move in cyclical spirals where we are already, not yet there.

So, we need to create space to live in between — to embrace the unknown ambiguity of the liminal space.

I’m committed to making space in this season.

I’m not yet ready to continue writing the book again.

But I am ready to write again.

To be honest, I needed the time to not share content.

Staying present in the liminal space means just because you can share does not mean you should share.

However, there are words and ideas that I’ve stored up to share with you. It’s time to release some of them. It’s one thing that I’ve decided to do as I create margin for myself and stay present in between. I don’t want to live like it’s Groundhog Day.

Stacey Abram says it this way in her book Lead From the Outside: “Some people have thirty great years but others have the same crappy year thirty times.”

Last year was hard.

There’s no return to Pre-COVID.

There’s only opportunities to seize today.

In the in between. In the already, not yet. In the liminal space.

Challenge:

1. Create margin for yourself.
2. Stay present in between.

Reflection Q: What is one thing you will do in the in between spaces?

Start small — 15 minutes a day of self-reflection, 20 minutes a day of working out, 30 minutes a day of learning a new skill or craft, or something that you feel like you couldn’t do because you were waiting for COVID to be over. It may look different than you thought, but there’s only opportunities to seize today.

Let’s live alive today together.

Pa’lante, siempre, pa’lante,

Sarah